Can't.

Rage.  Anger.  Sorrow.  I have 200 words but I’m thinking a million.  I’m wondering about mental health.  I’m wondering about gun control or gun reform or just guns.  I’m wondering how you justify ANY tolerance for guns after something like this.  I hear the arguments about illegally getting weapons. I hear the arguments about education and responsibility.   Does that really matter when you have someone shooting 14 kids?  Or ten?  Or one?  can you stand there and really give me an argument as to why this isn’t a statement that the ease of weapon procurement is out of control.  Are we going to 2^nd amendment this thing?   Should we do that now?   I’m sure that at some point I’ll be more reasonable about it but, right now, how can you rationally justify any of them in the hands of citizens.  Especially semi-automatic weapons.  We do what?   Nothing.  Nothing after Auroura.  Nothing after Columbine.  We got sad and cried and talked about how bad it was.  But we did nothing.  What is our government for if not to keep us safe?   I blame both sides.  The ones that want less control. The ones that are too afraid to fight for more.   

Oh Sweet Deacs

I don’t understand Ron Wellman.  Actually, the sad thing is I probably do.  He probably sits in the same group of people as Lindsay Lohan, politicians, and CEO’s.  So much power and so much influence.  SO many people kowtowing to your every thought.   Enough people telling you what you want to hear to overcome the immense criticism and/or warning signs clearly laid out before you.  How do you blame the psyche of someone like that for the things they think?   I believe that most politicians, famous people, etc. start out as normal people with normal thoughts and emotions.  And then the sociopathic tendency, that is laid in them genetically, lashes out and takes control when it is fed the meal it’s waiting for: power.  At that point you become flawless, unquestionable, and infallible.  All the negative criticism?  Haters.  All the difference of opinion?  Idiots.  All the justification?  Justified. How can he sit and watch Wake flounder in the two biggest money sports at Wake? I say money, because that’s what it is to him. The inability to think he’s done anything wrong.  That’s how.  Bzdelik’s great and I’m proving it by our marginally better than zero performance this year. Horseshit. 

Guh.

There must be some end to this madness.  There must be an end to divisiveness that keeps us from being able to have reasoned conversations without fear that there is some alienation occurring between the speaker and those that differ in opinion.  Or, hell, those with the same opinion.  That’s what drives the speakers, right?  “Leaders?”  The worry that whatever base they have pre-established by labeling themselves as democrats or republicans don’t turn their backs and make any appeal towards reason now impossible.  People can’t be centrists because the country feels like that position is too much of a compromise.  It doesn’t live up to the lack of gray area issues.  If you look at the party lines of the two parties, you may find one general theory that is the same.  What you find, though, is a yes on the right when there is no on the left, and vice-versa (I hate when people pronounce it ‘vicey’).  If you’re pro-life then I’m pro-choice.  You’re pro-welfare then I think it’s horrible.   I blame the internet.  There are 330,000,000 people in the country.  If you can find three (3.03x10^-9%) to agree with you then so starts your snowball of pure righteousness. 

For the love.

I should caveat this with something like: “I hate thinking stuff like this.”  I won’t, though, because Kristen Stewart makes me so furious.  I will say that I know it’s not her fault.  It’s not her fault that she’s an emo/normal hybrid.  It’s not her fault that the adolescent-girl-destroying Twilight is a megahit among 15 year-old and 40 year-old females.  It’s not her fault that she was born with eyes that don’t open all the way or a mouth that can’t smile or any of that.  Hell, if someone was in to the “receding hairline slightly obese giant head guy” thing for a movie or a series, I’d be happy to have her escort me across the kids choice awards stage.  Holy shit Hollywood, stop putting her in movies.  In “Snow White and the Hunstman” she’s supposed to be Snow White: the pinnacle of beauty and love and kindness.  And all she does is pout and make weird looks and tear up.  I didn't count, but I think she had maybe 37 words in the whole 2-hour movie.  And at the end, when she is crowned (spoiler), she stares at her subject looking like she’s pooping for like 2 minutes.

                                                          (Please...I need more fiber)

get it right

Often I am not as quick on the uptake as I would like to be.  And never am I subtle enough for that not to be known.  I have friends that deadpan respond to every situation as if they already know everything about it.  I have friends that have the sense to not immediately respond with “What you talkin’ ‘bout, Willis?”  I have friends who sit there and judge your knowledge, garnering the meaning and info while the other person runs their mouth, and then become educated by the time they need to respond.  For me, conversations will be flowing and information will be forthcoming and then a word will be spoken that I don’t have a definitive understanding of.  In my last situation it was the word facile. It’s latin for “easy to do.”  However, I didn’t find that out until after I asked the person that said it what it meant (in Spanish it means just “easy” so I assumed it was that).  Actually, he told me a completely wrong interpretation.  When I was recanting the story of how stupid I was to a friend that actually knew the word, it became about how stupid he was.  Dummy. 

Fatty McGee

I'm starting to feel like Andy Rooney must have felt about 100% of the things he came across in his life.  I have (in most cases) either complete and utter disdain for new-found annoyances or a sense of wonder at the most simplistic items.  I can stand in awe of some realization of something I've done wrong/differently forever and then suddenly realized what makes it right/better.  This morning I realized that I sneeze like my mother unless I completely quell that sucker into an internal mind exploding squeak of a sneeze.  Moreover, though, I’ve realized that for years I’ve wondered why my shirts (button-up) have to be parachute like around my torso to fit my fat neck and arms. I still don’t have an answer for that question, but after looking at how they dress up models for shots with binder clips to make the clothes more form-fitting, I figured out how to compensate for it.  I wear binder clips all the time.  Ok, I don’t do that.  But I do pull my shirt behind me and tuck it in the back of my pants.  Voila! I have taken 260 pounds of fun and made it look like 254 pounds. 

God's will...

I listen to Howard Stern.  I know, I know, I’m a horrible person.  He does great interviews with actually interesting people, sprinkled with a lot of penis jokes/references.  I’m an (alleged) adult, I can handle that.  The place I connect, though, is with his anger.  I guess that’s what it is.  I used to think of it is just being negative but now I think that is the wrong description.  It’s negative and the idea that some other stupid thing made it that way.  It’s the reason I got off Facebook.  When people send questions about something I’ve sent them that start with “I haven’t read this, yet, but….,” or “Here’s something I’ve never asked for before but I’m going to pretend like I did…,” I get annoyed.  I think that is just projecting my experience on to their lack of, a functionally and irrationally inappropriate thing to do.  Sometimes it’s not.  And then sometimes I get worked up reading “news” articles.  Why read them?  Why do I do it?  However, how do you not get riled up at someone saying: “…even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that god intended to happen…”